| c's profileunlimitedPhotosBlog |  Tools  Help |
|
September 23 家人的存在老哥今天搭飛機回日本去了 整個家又空了起來 才短短一個禮拜多 還是讓我感覺到了不一樣 習慣一個人 一整年了 空蕩蕩的家 只有我 自己的呼吸 自己的凌亂 自己的味道 突然被老哥的來訪而打亂了 發現 只要有個人在 就算不講話沒什麼互動 心裡很明白不是一個人孤孤單單存在的空間 竟然就有一種平靜的快樂跟安心 隨時走出房間 會有人在 當然不是需要真的要在才會這樣 只是一種感覺罷了... 面對空蕩蕩的家 空蕩蕩的房間 心裡也空了起來.. 或許 人真的不能孤獨的存在 朋友不多或是幾乎沒有時 家人的存在變得相當重要 是心靈上的慰藉跟寄託 每個人生來就是有家人的 如果幸運 可以一直在身邊 如果幸福 可以當作寶貝 學到很多事情 我既幸運又幸福 所以可以活的很快樂 有家人在身邊的人 一定要好好珍惜喔 就算討厭 就算麻煩 就算囉唆 家人就是家人 除非喪盡天良 罪惡滔天 那樣的話 還是當作不認識吧... September 21 cold sore...說實在的 cold sore就是嘴破 然後又分inner and outer 相信在嘴巴裡面的嘴破大家都有過吧 非常痛 很討厭 man 如果我在台灣 大概一輩子都不會知道還可以長在外面 三天前 發生了...... 自從去memphis回來後 身體似乎都不太好 先是感冒前兆 然後喉嚨痛 之後發燒 最後就cold sore 或許在途中接受到了virus 回到portland後就發作了... anyway, cold sore.. not pretty! 有時會在雜誌上看到一些明星會有 真是沒想到哪天會輪到自己 當初還想說怎麼可能會發生這種事嘛～ 外國人真奇怪... 哎～ 意外阿 只希望不會留下疤 大部分我看到的cold sore是就長在嘴唇周圍 我也是.. 算是吧 2/3長在嘴唇上 然後整個腫出來.. 哈哈哈 it's just ugly.. 長了三個小小水泡類的東西 洗澡時不小心弄破了 結果阿.. 痛！ 感覺像是要長新皮 又要結痂一樣 不知道該怎麼處理 不想買藥 就讓他自然好吧～ 今天終於已經消腫了 三個小洞看得清清楚楚 真希望以後不會在發生 不過聽說長過 病毒就會留下 不曉得如果我一直都在台灣 會不會發生這樣的事 之前春夏天的時後 有點allergy的情形 again, 從小到大一直沒有發生過 在兩年前 也開始了 也是在美國... man 雖然這裡天氣好 風景美 舒適悠閒 但是怎麼這麼容易讓人身體有問題阿... 就只希望以後回台灣 再也不會有任何不適了 祝大家身體健康囉～ BY THE WAY!! 今天是我的unlimited建立一年的日子 剛好也是台灣的921... 雖然想說恭喜我自己 似乎也不太合 既難過又開心 so complicated... 沒想到竟然真的讓我好好的寫了一年的東西 我讓自己一定每個月至少要有兩篇 之前回頭check時 還真的有做到耶 好了 開心完了 大家默哀一分鐘吧 921又過了一年了 請大家要好好保護自己和家人 安全第一 身體要健康快樂喔！ September 17 stuck in the middle.. literallyman.. do i know they care, but i just can't deal w/ it 我不知道該怎麼反應 簡直是啞口無言 左邊轟炸完 換右邊起火 我坐在中間 頭痛加心痛 老實說 我自己知道我自己有什麼不好 有什麼缺點 我懦弱 膽小 害羞 沒自信 討厭跟別人social 沒什麼朋友 etc. i'm not perfect stop selling me "shorter".. whenever i heard ppl telling stuff about me all i can do is accept it i can never defend myself cuz if i do, they talk back.. i'm convinced again. why can't ppl just accept this is who i am? what's wrong w/ wanna stay w/ bf longer? i know i maybe wasting time and money or life but if u realize u two eventually will b separated u'd do the same. what's wrong w/ wanna work w/ and for my parents? i love my family, i know how hard they work for us they must have worked so hard to support us considering we are in the US and japan i realize how much they have to work and how much i love them and i just hate to see them like this i wanna be around them at lest i can do this i really don't have a big plan for myself i don't care so much about it i just wanna be w/ the ppl i love and care about i don't have to live in fame or become big there's noting to regret and why would i regret being w/ my family?? just.. at least, let this last year i stay in the state be myself, be w/ someone i love 我沒有辦法講出任何大道理 我的話 幾乎沒有說服力 對那些在乎我的人而言 彷彿是愚蠢的 而我又不能defend myself 最後就被別人說服去做些別的事情 當然都不會是壞事 也或許反而對我好 但是 我只能說我感覺像鴨子... 上了架 盲目的向前走 盲目的結束 盲目繼續走 來到美國對我最大的改變 就是讓我敢跟外國人講英文 還有很想好好珍惜我的家人 我並不期待將來變成怎麼樣 甚至可以比普通人更普通 我一點都不在乎 對那些在乎我的人 我很明白你們的關心跟擔心 我其實很害怕做任何計畫 一但不能照著計畫走時 我很難承受 不只是我不想受傷 而是我承受不起 沒有人了解 我有多在乎 對我影響有多大 是可笑的愚蠢 我其實很不喜歡被別人羞辱嘲笑 但是我活在這樣的世界當中 我已經受的很夠了 但是能怎樣 他們永遠在我的世界當中 我已經習慣被看不起了 請不要在繼續在我的傷口上撒鹽 我的快樂 只來自於我的容易忽略跟神經大條 或許我真的看起來無憂無慮 因為我對自己 並無所求 我不需要大名牌 我不需要很多錢 我不需要很多朋友 我不需要到外面吃大餐 我可以住很小的家 我可以活的很簡單 我可以享受簡單的生活 我可以吃的很隨便 只要 在我身邊 有我愛跟愛我的人 現在 這裡 有兩個 回去台灣 有我家人 我很清楚我不會真的留在美國 而且我希望可以陪在我爸媽身邊 或許我哪天會後悔沒有好好利用時間 或許哪天我會有點厭爸媽一直在身邊 但是 這樣的想法 不會持久 不會永久 我的世界 就算永遠這樣小 我也不在意 世界大了 又怎樣 有了見識 又怎樣 憤世忌俗 然後 鬱鬱而終? 因為這個世界就是這樣 那些討厭的邪惡的人 永遠都會在 不該發生的事 天天時時刻刻都會發生 我們不是heroes 不會改變世界 為什麼不能就好好 簡簡單單的活著 i don't see any wrong with that 或許我並不開源 但至少我很節流 講起我不開心的事我很激動 因為要讓我在乎不容易 即使我不懂人情事故 可是我懂禮儀跟善良 一但被批評成一無是處 真的會開始討厭自己 最後就會認為真的一無是處 然後反而無所求 活著 快樂的 有食物吃有地方住 真的 很夠了 雖說人不應該往下比 但至少要往下想 當你穿著全身名牌 吃著高級餐館時 別人是過著怎樣的日子呢 如果你覺得自己deserve it... then enjoy!! 我也只能說 每個人過生活的方式都是不一樣的 我不以自己為恥 雖然沒什麼好驕傲的 我只需要找到願意愛我跟我願意愛的人們 狂風暴雨 我陪著他們 一起向前走 或許應該要當個讓爸媽驕傲的孩子 但至少我不是帶不出門的小孩 September 07 09062007_memphis day3i really didn't wanna write this in english.
so if they sound stupid or awkward or whatever, just.. whatever.
try to translate them into chinese, maybe u'll get it...
today i really got the feeling that my presence is not important
if i disappear at this moment
probably no one would even notice that i'm gone
looking at them, feels like looking some strangers' play or act
very uncomfortable and just alone and left out
even i didn't wanna think this way
i do think it's none of my business of whatever they r doing
they don't need me and i'm just standing there looking like a fool
suddenly i realized i just can't fit it then.
sad but nothing i can do
feel stupid about my clumsy and nervous actions
i was laughing at myself on the inside
i would never expect this trip that i've been dreaming for
would become this uneasy for me
and i definitely wouldn't think i felt pressure all the time
i don't know what's the problem and
i don't know how to solve it it's not that they're not nice,
it's just something i don't know how to handle this kind of relationship between family and best friends
they have been built for years i'm not familiar w/ it
i love my family, for sure.
and friends, yeah! i got some close ones but relatives?? i'm close to none of them
what we've been doing is going from relative to relative
whenever i left alone w/ his family or relatives
i get nervous, my heart start beating fast and my lips can't move
and all i can think about is-
"what am i gonna do? what r we gonna talk about?" i hate the facts i care so much about how ppl think of me
i often wonder is it necessary to care about ppl's point of view
if they don't really effect or in my life?
i wondered, and told myself not to care, but just couldn't do it
i'm such coward.. a big chicken....
i'm shy in a way.. afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing
i hate embarrassment or look stupid
especially around unfamiliar ppl in a unfamiliar place
i felt stupid today and i had a emotional breakdown tonite
cried a little... how stupid..
so far, this trip gave me no good impression
nothing to do, no food to eat, beware of cockroach all the time
what kind of trip is it??
i've already started missing portland
how r u, Portland? September 05 memphis_travel daythis day didn't start well.. the weather's not nice, i didn't sleep well.. but the worst of all was that our luggages were MIA well.. delayed on our way to phoenix so they were lost....... we transfered flight twice in six hours i finally got a chance to "visit" Las Vegas but we were in such hurry, i didn't see crap!! original flight to phoenix was delayed for like an hour cuz we had another connection flight to catch we need to take the first plane that go to phoenix but our bags were on other plane......... so, OH, FUCK!!! for us it is unbelievable!!! it's my third time that my luggage got lost missing bag was bad enough, living in a place that have cockroaches is my nightmare!! having living in Portland 4 awhile and never seen one this is just like flashback to me, what life's like in taiwan... and we r staying at mr.ma's sis' house they just moved in not long ago so everything is laying on the ground another inconvenient.. no cloth to change, no toothbrush, nothing... just not a good start for a trip i've been waiting 4 and they have three cats here. i guess i'm a little allergic to long hair cats so i was sneezing all nite then i felt my eye itching and started to hurt a little i just couldn't get a good nite sleep!!! when i woke up this morning my rite eye was puffy and hurt really bad~ i definitely looked funny thank god it's all better now~ |
|
|
