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November 30 4ever ayu..基本上 認識我的人都知道 我對ayu的喜愛 不論別人怎人說她 或是打敗她 我還是很喜歡很喜歡她 最喜歡她唱慢歌的時候 總覺得她可以唱出很悲哀 很真情的感覺 或許大家不這麼認為 不過這是我最喜歡她的地方 所以 貼一首我最喜歡的歌- 花火 ayumi hamasaki- HANABI 涙がこぼれ落ちないように 滲んだ空を見上げているよ 人はどうして想いの ままに生きられないの 泣けない弱い心も 泣かない強さもいらない 願いをかける流れる 星を探してみるけど 夜明けがもう早すぎて 見付けられずにいるよ 君の事思い出す日 なんてないのは 君の事忘れた 時がないから 悲しいことに出会う度に 大丈夫だよと口グセになる あの日何かが止まって しまったこんな私じゃ いくら祈ってみたって 星ひとつさえ見えない 会いたいよねぇ会いたいよ 記憶の中の 笑顔だけ優しすぎて どうしようもない 君の事思い出す日 なんてないのは 君の事忘れた 時がないから 会いたいよねぇ会いたいよ 記憶の中の 笑顔だけ優しすぎて もうどうしようもない 為了不讓眼淚淖下來 抬頭用淚眼看著天空 人為什麼就是沒辦法 照著自己的意思生活 我不要哭不出來的軟弱 也不要哭不出來的堅強 雖然我在找尋 一顆許願的流星 黎明來得太早 令我無法找到 我從未有一天 想起過你 因為我從未有一刻 忘記過你 每當遇見了傷心的事情 告訴自己沒關係已成了我的口頭禪 那一天我心中的 某個東西靜止了 這樣的我無論如何祈禱 也無法看見任何一顆星星 好想見你真的好想 在記憶裡的 你的笑容太溫柔 令人感覺好無奈 我從未有一天 想起過你 因為我從未有一刻 忘記過你 好想見你真的好想 在記憶裡的 你的笑容太溫柔 卻只有令人感覺無奈 November 28 在1127 晨 初雪今天早上 下了這個冬天的第一場雪 原本以為 不太可能會下 沒想到 在準備要出門的時後 突然看到白藹藹的一片 真是嚇了我一跳 差點都忘了下雪美 走在飄雪的街道上 真是說不出的特別 那是一種難以形容的.. 滿足 我可以邊走邊笑 就只是看著雪落下 大概就像第一次看到雪的孩子吧 還是很想伸手去撥弄 還是很想伸腳去踩踏 還是會伸出手 去接住那片片雪花 即使知道 冷到鼻子都紅了 手都凍僵了 還是忍不住的開心 忍不住想多玩一下 希望雪可以在下大一點點 整個校園 就被包圍了 真的 很美很美 看著雪飄 在樹跟樹之間 穿梭 在人跟人之間 落下 在水泥地上 鋪了一層美麗的白色羽毛 給了樹最簡單的裝飾 給了portlnad最原始的白色聖誕 只可惜 那樣的美麗 就停留了不到30分鐘 太陽公公決定要出來露個臉 我的白色羽毛就消失了... 也好險 太陽還是很善良的 他相信他的溫暖跟白色羽毛是可以共存的 所以有了一陣子的陽光雪.. 也當然 只有一下下 但還是一樣美妙 回家時 已以沒有太陽 也沒有飄雪 地上仍有白白的積雪 在路邊 在草地上 水泥又回到原本灰灰的面孔 帶著半水半冰 讓人不得不小心走路 冷 還是一樣冷 卻少了一種美 天降的羽毛 輕輕的掉在我的衣服上 慢慢的融化在空氣中 過了短暫的美麗旅程 給了我快樂的機會 又當了一次小孩 那種興奮 單純的歡樂 簡單中的美好 真好 在1127 晨 初雪 how lovely November 19 用歌詞寫日記 me, myself and i每次用歌詞寫日記時 不是我懶得寫 只是剛好聽到這些歌 覺得很還滿喜歡or適合我當時得心情... 這首的話 我真的滿喜歡的 歌詞也寫的很好 也算有稍稍碰觸到我的心情吧 呵呵 很好聽很柔的一首歌.. 跟大家分享一下囉 me, myself and i Akon I don't have no one...me, myself & I listen, allow me to take the plan, everything I did, I did it all by myself, it was just.. me, myself & I listen, couldn't believe the things I went through, because of all my wrong doings, it was.. me, myself & I listen, tryin' not to worry about a thing, but it's hard when I put it all on myself, it was..me, myself & I listen, all the trouble I got myself in, it was up to me, couldn't depend on no one, but.. me, myself & I 'Cause often times I feel like I'm all alone in this world and I don't have no one but me.. me, myself & I (x2) listen, I done left those streets alone, half my friends are long, long gone, it's just me.. me, myself & I listen, ain't got nobody to turn to, can't complain 'cause nobody can burn you, why must it be.. me, myself & I listen, even though it felt good to be alone, it didn't feel that good to walk in my home, it just.. me, myself & I listen, can't believe I'm on top of the world, but to me nothing feels the same no more, mainly.. me, myself & I 'Cause often times I feel like I'm all alone in this world and I don't have no one but me.. me, myself & I (x2) So can you please tell me where my people at, it was from way back when I started with I'm still tryin' to figure out where they went, and why it is.. me, myself & I 'Cause the world keeps movin' as I go, put your right go and feel alone It should be the other way around you know, but it's just.. me, myself & I November 16 storm fun今天 風真是超大.. 聽說又有一個storm要來 上次也這樣時 差一點就會要停電了吧.. 好險沒有 不然我功課就做不完了.. 哈哈哈 今天風大到啊 我走會被吹歪.. 也就是直走會有阻力.. 真是帥呆了.. 讓我不禁想.. 是風太強 還是我不夠壯 呵呵 風很大 雖然走路有點辛苦 不過發現一點好玩的事 被雨打落的葉子們 在風的引導下 空中翩翩起舞.. 有些被吹起來 旋轉著.. 有些被直直往前趕 就像在趕集一樣.. 陪我一起走 看著看著 讓我偷偷笑了出來 突然覺得葉子好可愛 好好玩.. 今天 我們很屌的gd4老師 請到了portland monthly的senior designer 還有creative director來跟我們分享心得 然後還免費拿了這個月的issue 還有另一個系列的bride&groom.. NICE!!! 兩本質感很不錯的magazine.. 真爽～～ 不過因為今天非常非常的想睡覺 結果他們在講時 我大概有一半的時間都打盹.. 真是很不好意思說.. 而且又不記得到底講了什麼 浪費啊浪費.. 不過有拿到他的bzcard..(會連絡嗎...) oh well.. better than nothing at all 講到免費的東西 昨天有去一個近downtown的press "premier press".. 感覺很不錯的一個print shop 免費拿到了4本notpad..(其實是自己多A的.. haha) 不過講解講的很詳細 很認真 很有意義 他們跟很多大公司有business ex. nike; intel. etc. 可想而知 價錢一定不便宜 不過quality應該不錯 總之 很有收穫的field trip 今天呢 又很lucky的放到一堂課的假 就是剛好我沒做功課的photoshop.. haha 害我看到note時 大叫 YES!! YEs!! 不只因為沒寫功課 加上又很累 所以真是太開心了.. 本來今天早上不是很想去上課 實在很想睡說.. 不過因為要交project 又有speaker要來 想說就盡學生本份 上課去 果然沒白費～～ 呵呵 雖然有打盹 至少我有努力想要撐.. 再過不久 就可以放寒假了 再3個禮拜吧 到時很多功課會一次要交出來.. 真緊張 希望可以一切順利 一定要過啊～～ 才可以過個快樂的寒假 不然我會自責死的 anyway.. 一瞬間這學期又要過完了 時間真是飛逝啊.. 沒想到～ 也沒有交什麼project 感覺挺空虛的 哈哈 想想 還是在懷念夏天.. 就要迎接秋冬了 然後又有寒假要來了.. 真擔心到時不能收心 加油吧～ 之前那一陣子有一大堆東西想寫 想發洩 表達 但是一直沒有時間去用pc 所以很多記憶都模糊掉了 可惜啊～ 要是寫出來 我一定會寫的很爽 看的很驕傲 oh well.. 至少現在開始 不會再常常沒機會了 所以.. 要快樂喔～ November 14 ohohohokay.. 前天下載了firefox來用用看 目前為止已經發現很多safari不能提供的功能 以前從來不知道每個browser都其實有不一樣的地方 從小就呆呆的用ie... 直到現在其實還是習慣就 click ie icon.. BUT BUT BUT.. 現在我的mac有了firefox算是也不錯了 之前不能常常寫blog是因為我必須要用我的pc寫 因為那個寫出來的才是有分行的 不然用這個寫出來的就是一大段... (怎麼看阿...) so..今天就突然想到 搞不好.. 用不同browser會不一樣 嘿.. 沒想到還真的不一樣.. ｙｅｓ！！！ so.. 以後搞不好就可以常常寫了... 耶耶耶～～ (font size isn't really what i want, but.. oh well better than nothing at all~) November 04 i cried...yes.. i've been crying a lot lately..
well.. since this term begin anyway
since i'm living here alone
since.. i've been a lot of "me" time..
i cried again today.. over a stupid bug in my stupid apt..
i can so cry anytime i want lately.. in 3 seconds
i don't know why this is happening
i don't used to cry so much
i don't used to feel anything
i don't.. used to be this emotional..
is there something i'm missing
or something i want but i can't have
or something i need but i don't have
i don't know...
i got mad alot lately too
school has been kind of stressful(or i think so)
i don't even know what i'm doing a lot of times
just moving my mouse playing the layout
then it's time for me to turn my projects in
i cheated on my first project i have to admit
i took a shortcut i asked for help... whatever
and those parts are what the ppl like the most
does that mean.. i got nothing?
i have to talent.. just as normal as everyone else
i have nothing special to beat others
and i'm only taking about those in my class
i don't know what i have
is there anything i'm good at?? i wonder...
sometimes this causes me to cry
the feeling of... hopeless useless powerless
i don't want to be seen as 花瓶
i don't even know if i'm qualify being one!!!
so i cried.. over my low self-esteem
over my failure overy my stupidity
living alone sucks..
especially when u don't have a lot of friends
so yeah.. it sucks...
when u r alone, u just don't feel like doing anything
cuz when u doing hw in the afternoon
u just feel sad..
so i leave everything to do at night
clearly it's not a good idea
cuz i've been staying up a lot
alomst everyday since the school started
so i don't get a lot of sleep during the weekdays
so i have to sleep a lot during the weekends
and clearly it's not good either
i don't get to go anywhere
cuz i sleep until noon or afternoon
if i go out, i feel bad i'm not doing hw
and everyone around me just keep asking me..
did u finish ur hw?? how much left??
why aren't u doing it?? why don't u finish earlier??
etc.etc.etc..............
i feel guilty around them cuz i didn't do my hw
but i still wanna go out go somewhere
have some fun talk to somebody.. in person..
feeling... alive..
i have enough non-peroson time w/ computers already
i really don't like talking on the phone all the time
it's just not fun... and makes me feel lonely
like.. i can't get anyone to stay in my stupid apt
even dm doesn't wanna spend some times here
my apt feels dead.. i hate that
so what do i do??
i've been sleeping in the living room
to make mt living room "living" feel...
so i not so scared of being in there alone... at night
sometims when i look at this apt..
all i see it's lonely.. i don't have ppl around here alot
on halloween, i got dm and my 乾哥哥 here
we had a good nice warm dinner together
it was nice i really like it.. like the apt finally wasn't empty
of couse as usually, good time passed so fast
everyone left, i had to stay here.. doing my hw
all the happiness just gone rite away...i hated it
so i cried.. over the loneliness
feelings pass.. so.. i don't really feel sad all the time
i could so be a happy person except i can't...
i don't like the fact that i can't be one
most friends i have told me i have great smiles
so i believe i do too
so i really like to keep them w/ me all the time
except i can't
reality is beating me up.. i don't always feel like smiling
everyone has problem, i know mine are just small things
so all i do is just wait and let them pass or i forget them
maybe that's not really the best way to handle anything
but it's all i can do when i alone all the time
my dm is still my dm my 乾哥 is still my 乾哥
i'm still me.. doing my things.. have "me" time all by myself
it's gonna be like this for a while
i will just get used to it... eventually
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